Animation YouTuber tells his audience he was seeking assisted death, then reconsiders
Max Gilardi, the animator behind PONY.MOV and Brain Dump, told his 2.1 million subscribers he planned to seek an assisted death in Switzerland over chronic illness and debt. A day later, after an outpouring of support, he said he isn’t thinking clearly and will reassess.
On August 1, animator Max Gilardi, known online as hotdiggedydemon, told viewers on a livestream that he planned to travel to Switzerland to seek an assisted death, citing years of chronic illness and mounting debt.
A day later, after his fans reacted with an outpouring of concern and support, he stepped back from it. “Decided I’m not thinking clearly, will reassess,” he wrote.
He is, for now, reconsidering.
Who he is
Gilardi, 38, is one of the longer-running names in internet animation. He started posting Flash cartoons to Newgrounds in the early 2000s and built a following on YouTube with parody series like PONY.MOV, Jerry, and Brain Dump, eventually reaching 2.16 million subscribers.
His work was well-regarded enough that Nickelodeon approached him in 2011 about developing a series, though that partnership never came together.
In recent years he shifted away from animation and toward gaming and variety livestreams under the banner “Relax with Max,” streams his audience tends to describe as calming.
The August 1 stream was not one of those.
The illness behind it
In May 2024, Gilardi told his viewers he had been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a chronic condition that causes widespread pain, deep fatigue, sleep problems, and cognitive difficulty. According to the CDC, it has no cure, though its symptoms can sometimes be managed with treatment.
He has said the condition steadily eroded his ability to work, which is part of why he leaned into livestreaming instead of the labor-intensive animation that made his name.
He also described other health problems, including tinnitus and uncontrollable drooling, and said repeated medical tests had come back inconclusive.
The physical toll came with a financial one.
Gilardi told viewers his medical bills had piled up, that he had moved much of the debt onto credit cards to stave off collections, and that his illness left him unable to work enough to pay it down or to afford to stop working.
That combination, the pain and the debt with no clear way out, was what he pointed to on the stream.
What he said, and how he framed it
Gilardi delivered the announcement carefully, through a partly pre-recorded statement, and repeatedly urged his audience not to panic. He kept the words “don’t freak out” on screen while he spoke.
He said he had weighed his options and decided to pursue an assisted death in Switzerland, one of the few places that permits it for non-residents.
One factual note, because the viral posts got it wrong: much of the coverage called it “physician-assisted euthanasia,” but Swiss law doesn’t allow that.
The country permits assisted dying only in a form where the person themselves takes the final action, not one administered by a doctor. The distinction matters legally, even if it changes nothing about the weight of what he was describing.
The reconsideration
The response was immediate. Fans, fellow creators, and longtime viewers flooded his posts with messages of support, grief, and pleas to reconsider, many pointing to ongoing research into fibromyalgia treatment.
Within a day, Gilardi began pulling back. His first post was flippant, a string of “jk just kidding” that read more like deflection than reassurance. But he followed it with something plainer and more serious: “Decided I’m not thinking clearly, will reassess.”
That last line is the most important thing he’s said through all of this. It’s his own recognition that a decision made from inside chronic pain, exhaustion, and financial fear is not a decision made clearly.
He hasn’t laid out what reassessing looks like, and the situation is clearly still raw and unresolved. But he has stepped back from the edge of it, and his community is rallying to keep him there.
For now, that’s where things stand. A well-loved animator is hurting, publicly, and the people who grew up on his work are trying to make sure he knows it.
This story discusses suicide and chronic illness. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. In the US, call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org, any time, day or night.
Article compiled and edited by Derek Gibbs (entertainment editor) and the Clownfish TV newsroom.
D/REZZED is part of Clownfish TV. For more news, views, and rants on gaming, tech, and pop culture, visit clownfishtv.com. Watch the show on YouTube at @ClownfishTV where new episodes drop daily. Subscribe to the Clownfish TV podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeart, and wherever else you get your podcasts. Sign up for the free newsletter at more.clownfishtv.com.
Hat Tips:
Dexerto — the reconsideration, both walk-back posts, the 2.1M-subscriber and career context, and the correction on the Swiss legal terminology
Wikipedia / YouTube Fandom — Gilardi’s biography, career history, the Nickelodeon approach, and the fibromyalgia diagnosis timeline
Sportskeeda — the details of the August 1 livestream, the “don’t freak out” framing, and his account of the medical debt
CDC — the description of fibromyalgia, its symptoms, and the absence of a cure